This week I have had two answers in one day!
One answer came from a door that I had thought to be wide open. I was doing all that I could do in my human power, had prepared for it, work for it. But the Lord closed it, or maybe I should say it was never open…I just thought it was. Let me explain:
Tuesday I went in for what I thought was going to be an interview. I had sent in an application for working with a local school district’s summer school program. I felt like I was fully prepared and that with the request to come “have a chat” with the director of special services was a door opening for a job. I’ve been a volunteer and a sub for this district, had teachers that I’d worked with who I could use as references, and was finishing up the required education for the job. I was dressed in the attire that the significance of an interview demands and after walking somewhat shakily through the doors of the building I greeted the secretary with a smile, a name, a handshake, and took a chair. As I sat and waited I prayed as I had been doing the whole time that it took to drive to that uncomfortable moment. I prayed just as I had been doing the weeks preceding the “interview”…that the Lord’s will would be done. Sometimes we pray to be guided, ask for His will to be done, but when our heart is truly laid open before Him, when we don’t get our way we begin to understand the meaning of four of the most important words of surrender we will ever say…
No, I didn’t get “my way”, or what I thought was what I wanted. After the first few moments of talking with the director he explained to me that some of the programs that he was working with were going to be changing and developing in the future. He picked up my letter of interest and blinked as if trying to think, “Now, I don’t think that we had a position even available for you”. My head jerked up in surprise, I think that my shock must have shown. He mumbled something about checking with the secretary, I could hear him as he inquired with the woman behind the desk (cubicles are not very private), he came back. No, there was no position open for me. Well why had he asked me to come in to “chat” after receiving my application? He explained that there was only a very small number of students who were going to be in the program and the required number of staff had already been filled, probably with the same experienced educators who had been there for years. His purpose for having me come in was to be able to keep me in his file for the future. His parting words were ones of explanation: "Whenever he comes across someone with very specific skills he likes to meet them so that he can get to know them and keep them in mind for any future needs that may come up."
I walked out feeling frustrated, my first thoughts were, “Lord why would you let this happen? What’s the point of all that I’ve done? This is not what I wanted!” I sat down behind the wheel of my car, I felt of sudden wave of regret, “Lord why am I so slow to trust you?”. I should know by now that what You have planned is what I do ultimately want. I left with a peace knowing that the Lord’s hand was in this, I had done all that I could do to work towards where I thought He was leading, the rest was up to Him. He is faithful in opening doors, He is faithful in closing them, He doesn’t leave us without help to flounder, He is our Help, He is our Plan, He is our life. Neither my education or my career are where I find my identity, He is. But He is what drives me towards my pursuits in life.
One answer came from a door that I had thought to be wide open. I was doing all that I could do in my human power, had prepared for it, work for it. But the Lord closed it, or maybe I should say it was never open…I just thought it was. Let me explain:
Tuesday I went in for what I thought was going to be an interview. I had sent in an application for working with a local school district’s summer school program. I felt like I was fully prepared and that with the request to come “have a chat” with the director of special services was a door opening for a job. I’ve been a volunteer and a sub for this district, had teachers that I’d worked with who I could use as references, and was finishing up the required education for the job. I was dressed in the attire that the significance of an interview demands and after walking somewhat shakily through the doors of the building I greeted the secretary with a smile, a name, a handshake, and took a chair. As I sat and waited I prayed as I had been doing the whole time that it took to drive to that uncomfortable moment. I prayed just as I had been doing the weeks preceding the “interview”…that the Lord’s will would be done. Sometimes we pray to be guided, ask for His will to be done, but when our heart is truly laid open before Him, when we don’t get our way we begin to understand the meaning of four of the most important words of surrender we will ever say…
"Your will be done."
No, I didn’t get “my way”, or what I thought was what I wanted. After the first few moments of talking with the director he explained to me that some of the programs that he was working with were going to be changing and developing in the future. He picked up my letter of interest and blinked as if trying to think, “Now, I don’t think that we had a position even available for you”. My head jerked up in surprise, I think that my shock must have shown. He mumbled something about checking with the secretary, I could hear him as he inquired with the woman behind the desk (cubicles are not very private), he came back. No, there was no position open for me. Well why had he asked me to come in to “chat” after receiving my application? He explained that there was only a very small number of students who were going to be in the program and the required number of staff had already been filled, probably with the same experienced educators who had been there for years. His purpose for having me come in was to be able to keep me in his file for the future. His parting words were ones of explanation: "Whenever he comes across someone with very specific skills he likes to meet them so that he can get to know them and keep them in mind for any future needs that may come up."
I walked out feeling frustrated, my first thoughts were, “Lord why would you let this happen? What’s the point of all that I’ve done? This is not what I wanted!” I sat down behind the wheel of my car, I felt of sudden wave of regret, “Lord why am I so slow to trust you?”. I should know by now that what You have planned is what I do ultimately want. I left with a peace knowing that the Lord’s hand was in this, I had done all that I could do to work towards where I thought He was leading, the rest was up to Him. He is faithful in opening doors, He is faithful in closing them, He doesn’t leave us without help to flounder, He is our Help, He is our Plan, He is our life. Neither my education or my career are where I find my identity, He is. But He is what drives me towards my pursuits in life.
His Hand
His Guiding
His Purpose
His Timing
(Second answer in next post)
2 comments:
oh... suspense...Dear hon, I feel for you. Thank you for sharing so well and intimately your struggles and the victory God gave you to trust.
Oh that is hard! It seemed like an interview with how everything was going. I know that that was a letdown. =( But praise God that He has a plan, and that you are finding rest in it! Love you!
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